Petter's Computer Science Songbook

About this book

This songbook is a collection of songs related to computers, computer science and the Internet, which I've collected during the last few years. I've tried to collect the songs I would like to be singing when I meet my fellow computer professionals.

Most of them have appeared on some USENET newsgroup, but the exact source have been lost in the mist of time.

Lots of songs were found at http://www.poppyfields.net/filks/ and http://www.netspace.org/~dmacks/internet-songbook/.

Please contact me if you have comments, questions, suggestions or information on who wrote one of the songs.

The latest version of this songbook is available from http://www.hungry.com/~pere/cs-songbook/.

Thanks to Ole Aamot, Morten A. Middelthon, Stein Vraale, Jørgen Wahlberg and Mari Wang for helping me finding songs, and Håkon Wium Lie for helping me format the songbook in HTML and providing a way to generate the PDF book from the HTML source. The songbook is typeset using Prince.

Petter Reinholdtsen <pere@hungry.com>.

Programming

Write in C

Unknown

Music: ``Let it Be'', The Beatles

When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom: ``Write in C.''

As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers ``Write in C.''

Write in C, write in C, Write in C, write in C. LISP is dead and buried, Write in C.

I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, for science it worked flawlessly. Try using it for graphics! Write in C.

If you've just spent nearly 30 hours Debugging some assembly, Soon you will be glad to Write in C.

Write in C, write in C, Write In C, yeah, write in C. Only wimps use BASIC. Write in C.

Write in C, write in C, Write in C, oh, write in C. Pascal won't quite cut it. Write in C.

Guitar Solo

Write in C, write in C, Write in C, yeah, write in C. Don't even mention COBOL. Write in C.

And when the screen is fuzzy, And the editor is bugging me. I'm sick of ones and zeroes. Write in C.

A thousand people people swear that T.P. Seven is the one for me. I hate the word PROCEDURE, Write in C.

Write in C, write in C, Write in C, yeah, write in C. PL1 is 80's, Write in C.

Write in C, write in C, Write in C, yeah, write in C. The government loves ADA, Write in C.

Lost Andre

Unknown

Alan Cox

Motorhead, Lost Johnny

You only a get a single block The drives are very plain Disconnect is well outside The power of its brain You can hear it clunking You can see it far afar Its a pale clone of scsi Just a faded I/O star

And out there in the workroom They're trying to make it scream By sticking queued tags in a flash And reprogramming the stream Can you find the DMA Can you add it soon Lost Andre's out there Baying at the moon

The time has come for you to choose You'd better get it right Pulling drives that suck a lot Oh please now make them right But you want to really get some its surely can't be hard There's always scsi lurking When your servers underpowered

Underneath committees The scsi vendors sing Of how the IDE, it always hangs When someone hacks the thing Can you find the disk block Can you make the tweak Lost Andre's out there Looking for a leak

That spec it looks so evil And you know it never tries And every time they make a hack They have to compromise And shall I find their CPRM In a drive which no one buys They make it big in tricks At the price of broken drives

And here inside the server room The UPS still screams And we're shooting disks up And returning maxtor things Can you find the raid card For god's sake make it quick Lost Andre's out there Trying to make it tick

g-c-c

Unknown

Alan Cox

Childrens rhyme

g-c-c, g-c-c, see how it runs, see how it runs, it ran all over the swap device, they freed all its ram with a kill -9, did you ever see such a thrash in your life as g-c-c

We are the code crew

Unknown

Alan Cox

We are the road crew

Motorhead

Another bug, another race Another oops, another trace Another driver I can't face

Reading junk, feeling bad Another night going mad x-jack drivers are so bad

But I just love the code I read Another beer is what I need Another bug, my ram is freed We are the code crew

Another driver left behind Another hack, completely blind Another bug that I can't find

Another deadlock fix or two Another flaw in our ext2 Another driver to get through

Coding like a manaic Coding gone to hell and back Another oops a case to crack We are the code crew

Another driver we can learn Another flaw, another churn Another pile of crap to burn

Another bugcheck on the way Another author that I can't flay Another word I learned to say

Another bloody bios post Another fucking box is toast Another set of scars to boast We are the code crew

Whole Lotta Bad C

Unknown

Alan Cox

Whole Lotta Rosie AC/DC

I wanna tell you a story, about a bug I know, when it comes to crashing, oh it steals the show, it aint exactly pretty, aint exactly small, drivers/media/videodev you could say its got them all

Never had a bug, never had a bug like this, killing all the things, killing all the things it does, aint no fairy story, aint no kernel moan, but you kdb it all a lot, oopsing on an intel clone

You're a whole lot of program A whole lotta program Whole lotta bad c Ah you're a whole lotta program

Oh hacker you can do it Debug for me all night long Only one to chase Only one to chase it up All through the night time And right around the clock To my suprise Oopses never stop

You're a whole lot of program A whole lotta program Whole lotta bad C Ah you're a whole lotta program

I Wish I Could Be Coding Every Day

Unknown

Alan Cox

Sorry Roy Wood

[Are you ready porters .. ]

When the hackers bring the code Well they just might like to know They've put a great big smile, on somebody's face If you boot it on your vax quickly coding up the traps Don't you lock the bus You know that neat debug tools are on the way

Well I wish I could be coding, every day When the vax starts pinging from the shell upon the cray Oh I wish I could be coding, every day Let the code flow out from hackers

When we're searching in the code For the bug that stops the load Then your config files going to build my linux bin Now the booting prompts appear And you're loading from a peer So we'll stare at the wire Till the shell simply loads up all the way

Well I wish I could be coding, every day When the vax starts pinging from the shell upon the cray Oh I wish I could be coding, every day Let the code flow out from hackers

When the hackers bring the code (When the hackers bring the code) Well they just might like to know (Well they just might like to know) They've put a great big smile, on somebody's face (They've put a great big smile, on somebody's face) So if Linux boots that shell (So if Linux boots that shell) Now running on vaxen well I'll sign my name on the kernel in the code Then I may decide to play

Well I wish I could be coding, every day When the vax starts pinging from the shell upon the cray Oh I wish I could be coding, every day Let the code flow out from hackers

[Okay you lot- take it!]

Well I wish I could be coding, every day (every day) When the vax starts pinging from the shell upon the cray (oh oh) Oh I wish I could be coding, every day Let the code flow out from hackers

Why don't you boot your vax on Linux ?

Womble

Unknown

Alan Cox

[Mike Batt gets it this time]

Kernel mode, user mode, cvs tree The commiters of cvs patches are we, Making good use of the code that we find, Things that the community folks have in mind

Miguel deIcaza He can remember they days mc wasn't behind the times With his view for the world Decode the core dumps and blame them on the gnome tree

Coder's aren't organised, work as a team Coder's aren't tidy and coders aren't clean Kernel mode, user mode, cvs tree The commiters of cvs patches are we

People don't notice us, they'll never see Under their noises a hacker may be We edit by night and we sleep in by day Writing up patches to send bugs away

We're so incredibly utterly devious Making the most of everything Even asm and strings Pick up the patches make them into something new is what we do!

Kernel mode, user mode, cvs tree The commiters of cvs patches are we, Making good use of the code that we find, Things that the community folks have in mind

Let there be hacks

Unknown

Alan Cox

``Let there be rock'', AC/DC

In the beginning Back in ninetieen ninety one Man didn't know about no linux source code And all thats fun The dos man had no windows The mac man had no tools No one knew what they was gonna do But the unix hacks had the news, they said

Let there be shells, and there were shells Let there be perl, and there was perl Let there be gnus, and there were gnus Let there be emacs, and there was emacs Let there be hacks

And so it came to pass That linux source code was born All across the land every hacking man Was coding up a storm And the Linus man got famous And the business man got rich And on every list there was a wannabe With a clue free patch There was fifteen million fingers Learnin' how to code And you could hear the keyboard clicking And this is what they had to load

Let there be shells, perl, gnus, 'n emacs an Let there be hacks

One night at a show called OLS There was a linux kernel hacking band And the hacking was good And the hackers were proud And then well Linus turned and he said to the crowd

Let there be hacks

Here it is linux kernel

Unknown

``Merry X-Mas Everybody'', Slade

Are you posting up a driver there for all Its the time that every hacker has a ball Does it keep on breaking paging Does it run slab poisoned eh ? Do the reports keep you coding for the day

So here it is, linux-kernel Everybody's having fun Look for the flaming now It's only just begun

Are you waiting for the flamers to arrive Are you sure you got the room to keep archives Does Al Viro always tell ya That filesystems are the best Then he's off and kernel hacking with the rest

So here it is, linux-kernel Everybody's having fun Look for the flaming now It's only just begun

What will Jeff Merkey do When he sees you now postin' novell support Aa-Ah ah-ah

Are you pulling down a kernel when you call Are you hoping that the code will start to rule Do you walk on down the calltrace With a debugger you have made When they land up in your driver then you've been blamed

So here it is, linux-kernel Everybody's having fun Look for the flaming now It's only just begun

Hardware for nothing

Unknown

``Money for nothing'', Dire straits

Look at them coders that's the way you do it You chat about hackin' on the IRC. That ain't workin' That's the way you do it. Hardware for nothin' and your source for free.

Now that ain't workin' That's the way you do it. Lemme tell ya them coders ain't dumb. Maybe get a blister on your typing fingers maybe put on a little weight around you bum

We gotta install operating systems Custom kernel Deliveriiiiies. We gotta solve these user problems We gotta move these pentium Threeeeees

I want my I want my I want my IRC ...

APL

Unknown

Richard M. Stallman

This uses the tune of ``Row, row, row your boat''.

The Greek letter rho (ρ) is an important operator in the APL programming language.

ρ, ρ, ρ of X. Always equals 1. ρ is dimension; ρ ρ, rank. APL is fun!

Something

Unknown

Tune: ``Something'' by The Beatles

Something in the way it fails, Defies the algorithm's logic! Something in the way it coredumps... I don't want to leave it now I'll fix this problem somehow

Somewhere in the memory I know, A pointer's got to be corrupted. Stepping in the debugger will show me... I don't want to leave it now Too close to leave it now

You're asking me can this code go? I don't know, I don't know... What sequence causes it to blow? I don't know, I don't know...

Something in the initializing code? And all I have to do is think of it! Something in the listing will show me... I don't want to leave it now I'll fix this tonight I vow!

Debugging

Unknown

Richard M. Stallman

This uses the tune of ``Deck the halls with boughs of holly''.

rms wrote this in the 1970s, when decks of punched cards and thumping line printers were still widely used.

Deck the cards that hold the data. (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.) Hand them to the operator. (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.) Hear the output printer thumping: (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.) 50 k of core are dumping. (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.)

Now you have to start debugging, (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.) Through the dump for errors culling. (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.) If you cannot understand 'em, (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.) Just change anything at random. (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.)

When it seems your program's mended, (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.) And you think your task has ended, (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.) Ware rejoicing prematurely: (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.) There will be more errors surely. (Fa la la la la, la la, la, la.)

Eternal Flame

Bob Kanefsky

Tune: God Lives on Terra by Julia Ecklar

This parody was sung by Julia Ecklar on Roundworm. Parody of ``God Lives on Terra'', words and music by Julia Ecklar For more information and other parodies, see www.songworm.com Parody lyrics copyright 1996-07-29 by Bob Kanefsky.

I was taught assembler in my second year of school. It's kinda like construction work -- with a toothpick for a tool. So when I made my senior year, I threw my code away, And learned the way to program that I still prefer today.

Now, some folks on the Internet put their faith in C++. They swear that it's so powerful, it's what God used for us. And maybe it lets mortals dredge their objects from the C. But I think that explains why only God can make a tree.

For God wrote in Lisp code When he filled the leaves with green. The fractal flowers and recursive roots: The most lovely hack I've seen. And when I ponder snowflakes, never finding two the same, I know God likes a language with its own four-letter name.

Now, I've used a SUN under Unix, so I've seen what C can hold. I've surfed for Perls, found what Fortran's for, Got that Java stuff down cold. Though the chance that I'd write COBOL code is a SNOBOL's chance in Hell. And I basically hate hieroglyphs, so I won't use APL.

Now, God must know all these languages, and a few I haven't named. But the Lord made sure, when each sparrow falls, that its flesh will be reclaimed. And the Lord could not count grains of sand with a 32-bit word. Who knows where we would go to if Lisp weren't what he preferred?

And God wrote in Lisp code Every creature great and small. Don't search the disk drive for man.c, When the listing's on the wall. And when I watch the lightning burn Unbelievers to a crisp, I know God had six days to work, So he wrote it all in Lisp.

Yes, God had a deadline. So he wrote it all in Lisp.

The Bug Came Back

Unknown

Joel Polowin

This uses the tune of ``The Can Came Back'' by Harry S. Miller.

The program wasn't complex, and it wasn't very long, Though it seemed a bit erratic, its results were seldom wrong. But that little error nagged us, so we stayed up late one night - Found a missing comma, and we thought that fixed it right -

But the bug came back, the very next day The bug came back, we thought it was a gonner But the bug came back, it just wouldn't stay away.

We put away our documents, rewrote the code from scratch To find out where the new and older versions didn't match. A subtle shift of logic showed where we had gone astray; We felt a bit embarrassed, but at least it ran okay -

chorus

We wrote in other languages, from FORTH to APL And ev'ry one ran ev'ry time - just sometimes not too well. Translation to assembler didn't give us any clue; The COBOL version crashed on ev'ry system it went through -

chorus

We gave it to the hacker squad - the folks who code for fun - And asked them if they couldn't get the stupid thing to run. But less than one week later, they no longer wished to play - Three paranoids... one suicide... and six who ran away...

chorus

We got a summer student in to check the code by hand, With paper, pen and calculator, run through each command, But suddenly the lights went out -- the air went thin and queer -- A sudden FLASH! of lightning -- and the student... disappeared..?

chorus

We set up an experiment that Schrodinger inspired: A box; a cat; some poison; a computer system wired Such that IF the program failed, the little moggy would be gassed. A quasar was - almost - the only remnant of the blast...

But the cat came back the very next day The bug came back, we thought they were a gonner But they both came back, they just wouldn't stay away

Binary Tree

Unknown

Joachim Breitner

Fool's Garden, Lemon Tree

I'm waiting here for some one to search It's just no problem to find every wanted branch I'm wasting your RAM I am such a bad case I want you to come And start using that space And nothing ever matches when I'm searching

I'm searching around in my root I'm searching real fast I'm searching real good I'm one big fat memory hog I'm feeling balanced, I'm faster than log And nothing ever matches so I'm searching

I search my left I search my right Make me search it and I search recursively Since all I really am is just another bin'ry tree. I'm crawling my nodes up and down I'm crawling crawling crawling crawling crawling around And all I really am is just another bin'ry tree.

(Sing: dubdadidadab...)

I'm sitting here I miss the data I'd like to have more, growing big later But theres a lot to care before "insert" You need the spot Where the thing fits right in. And nothing ever matches so I'm searching

Balancation is real good for me Balancation: I'm now faster 'cause I'm a bin'ry tree.

I'm starting to search at the top node of me User anyhow I'll find it in this tree And everything will be there and you'll find it

You'll find it left You'll find it right Make me search it and I search recursively Since all I really am is just a balanced bin'ry tree. I'm crawling my nodes up and down I'm crawling crawling crawling crawling crawling around And all I really am is just a balanced bin'ry tree. And I'm searching searching

I search my left I search my right Make me search it and I search recursively Since all I really am Since all I really am Since all I really am is just a balanced bin'ry tree.

System administration

No Backup

Lill Berg Nordheim

Unknown

``Yesterday'', The Beatles

Yesterday, all those backups seemed a waste of pay Now my database has gone away Oh I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, there's not half the files there used to be, there's a millstone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly

I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay

Yesterday, the need for backups seemed so far away I knew my data was all here to stay Now I believe in yesterday

She's Always a Goddess

Unknown

2001 Illiad

Music: ``She's Always a Woman''

She can kill -9 with a smile As she munches her fries She can crack your account And delete all your files Though she only appeals To the shy ones like me She can code like a pro And she's always a goddess to me

She can root all your boxes Faster than you'd believe You can ask for an ack But you'll never receive She'll take code you give her As long as it's *free* She tinks I'm a dweeb But she's always a goddess to me

Ohhhh. She takes care of her servers She can play quake if she wants She's ahead of her game Ohhhh. She never gets stressed out And she never gets caught She just passes on blame

Fifty Ways to Bug Your Users

Unknown

Joachim Breitner

Paus Simon, 50 Ways to leave your lover

"It's boring all inside my head" I said to me The answer is easy if you are immorally I'd like to watch them in their struggle to work here There must be fifty ways to bug your users

I said it's really not my habit to intrude Furthermore, I hope my mean tricks won't be bad or miscontrued But I'll do it again at the risk of being sued There must be fifty ways to bug your users Fifty ways to bug your users

Just just pull out the plug, Zack Pour out a can, Stan You don't need to back up, Chap Just having some fun Overclocked bus, Gus You don't need to restart, Mart Just drop of the net, Pete And for me it's fun

Some admins hate it to see users in such pain I wish there was something I could do to see it once again My boss don't appreciate that and I always explain About the fifty ways

He said "Why do I not just fire you tonight And I believe in the morning we'll begin to see the light" And then I told him and he realized I would go with a fight Since there are Fifty ways to hurt your users Fifty ways to hurt your users

The Day the Routers Died

Unknown

Gary Feldman

Don McLean, American Pie

A song performed by the secret-wg in the closing plenary of the RIPE 55 conference

a long long time ago i can still remember when my laptop could connect elsewhere

and i tell you all there was a day the network card i threw away had a purpose - and worked for you and me....

But 18 years completely wasted with each address we've aggregated the tables overflowing the traffic just stopped flowing....

And now we're bearing all the scars and all my traceroutes showing stars... the packets would travel faster in cars... the day....the routers died

So bye bye, folks at RIPE 55 Be persuaded to upgrade it or your network will die IPv6 just makes me let out a sigh But I spose we'd better give it a try I suppose we'd better give it a try

Now did you write an RFC That dictated how we all should be Did we listen like we should that day

Now were you back at RIPE fifty-four Where we heard the same things months before And the people knew they'd have to change their ways....

And we - knew that all the ISPs Could be - future proof for centuries

But that was then not now Spent too much time playing WoW

ooh there was time we sat on IRC Making jokes on how this day would be Now there's no more use for TCP The day the routers died...

So bye bye, folks at RIPE 55 Be persuaded to upgrade it or your network will die IPv6 just makes me let out a sigh But I spose we'd better give it a try I suppose we'd better give it a try

I remember those old days I mourn Sitting in my room, downloading porn Yeah that's how it used to be....

When the packets flowed from A to B via routers that could talk IP There was data..that could be exchanged between you and me....

Oh but - I could see you all ignore The fact - we'd fill up IPv4

But we all lost the nerve And we got what we deserved!

And while...we threw our network kit away And wished we'd heard the things they say Put all our lives in disarray

The day...the routers died...

So bye bye, folks at RIPE 55 Be persuaded to upgrade it or your network will die IPv6 just makes me let out a sigh But I spose we'd better give it a try I suppose we'd better give it a try

Saw a man with whom I used to peer Asked him to rescue my career He just sighed and turned away..

I went down to the net cafe that I used to visit everyday But the man there said I might as well just leave...

And now we've all lost our purpose.. my cisco shares completely worthless...

No future meetings for me At the Hotel Krasnapolsky

and the men that make us push and push Like Geoff Huston and Randy Bush Should've listened to what they told us.... The day...the routers....died

So bye bye, folks at RIPE 55 Be persuaded to upgrade it or your network will die IPv6 just makes me let out a sigh But I spose we'd better give it a try I suppose we'd better give it a try

Security

The ``I got 0wN3d last night'' song

Unknown

Beldon <beldon@scamail.com>

[Apologies to Sam Cooke (and Art Garfunkel)]

Don't know much about TCP Even less ICMP Don't know how to make a subnet class Even script kiddies would kick my ass But if an OS that can be bought Will install securely by default What a wonderful thing that would be

Don't know much about LAND attack Don't know how to spoof an IP stack Don't know much about the port I'm on Can't decide to leave a daemon on If I install OpenBSD And it does most of my work for me What a wonderful thing that will be

Now I don't claim to be a sys admin But now broadband's in my town And I have to put something between me And the people who know how to bring me down

Don't know much about DDoS And my shell programming is a mess Don't know how to build a firewall Don't know much about nothin' at all But if I can shield my root account Without emptying my bank account What a wonderful thing that would be.

Misc

The webdesigner song

Unknown

Alan Cox

Chicken song

Grant Naylor

Its the time of year, now that .coms are in the air When those new web gifts, have become internet aware Make another link for moronic web displays That nauseate-ate-ate in a million different ways

From the depth of spain to the southern coast of france No matter where you hide, you just can't escape our spams

Rack a compaq in mid-air, stick a penguin on your nodes Buy from microsoft and then debug all their code Make your old code free then upload your latest tree Write the web content and install your asp

Soon your sites alive, learn to stream realvideo Climb over a mac, and encode in indeo Eat a new cookie while your business disappears Redesign your plan, drink lots and lots of beers

The web page is vibrating, the colour is loud and grating Its truely nauseating, lets use that blink again

Rack a compaq in mid-air, stick a penguin on your nodes Buy from microsoft and then debug all their code And there's no escape, in the news or in the star You would see this site if you holidayed on mars

Soon your sites alive, learn to stream realvideo Climb over a mac, and encode in indeo Now you've done it once, you brain will spring a leak And through you hate your site, you'll be tweaking it for weeks

Got Them Dot Zero Blues

Unknown

by WillSeattle / Will in Seattle (at work)

Woke up this morning Crawled out of bed Couldn't wait to get that Red Hat distro you said

Told you to worry Told you to wait But no you want to mirror it from outside the state

I got the blues Got them old dot zero blues Cause I done installed that distro And it blew up on my shoes

Wish I had DSL Wish I had fat pipes But on a 56K modem The download's such a fright

It's all installed now Servers up and cool But I come back three weeks later And look just like a fool

Got burned by Compaq Got burned by Dell Got burned by Microsoft Now I'm in Red Hat dot zero hell

Now don't you worry This one's ok It won't drop under loads now Cause if it does we'll make you pay!

My ogg files

Unknown

Alan Cox

To the tune of ``My Bonnie''

My ogg files lie over the network My ogg files lie over T3 My ogg files lie over the network please icecast my ogg files to me

Icecast Icecast Oh icecast my ogg files to me to me Icecast Icecast Icecast my ogg files to me

What a wonderful world

Unknown

Sung to ``What a wonderful world'' by Lous Armstrong

I see cheap cpus and software that's great and my modem connects... at true 28.2 and I think to myself... ...what a wonderful world...

I see people on the net.. who are nice and not "leet" and hardware that never... becomes obsolete and I think to myself... ... what a wonderful world...

The colours of the iMac... so pretty on my desk (these are colors that are testful not ones that are grotesque) I see routers shakin' hands sayin' "who the heck are you?" but they're really saying "let the data flow through"

Blue screens of death... don't exist to betray and I decide for myself... where I want to go today and I think to myself what a wonderful world yes. I think to my self what a wonderful world...

10 Little Spammers

Unknown

William A. Levinson

Words: William A. Levinson

Ten little spammers all went online; One spammed n.a.n.a. and then there were nine.

Nine little spamhauses spewed at full rate; An ISP nuked one and then there were eight.

Eight little spammers thought they were in Heaven; Someone did a traceroute and then there were seven.

Seven little spambots addresses did pick; One picked a Netscum and then there were six.

Six little spammers playing 'round a hive; Angry wasps stung one and then there were five.

Five little spammers spewed some more; Someone did an InterNIC whois, and then there were four.

Four little spammers all running free; Cloaking didn't work and then there were three.

Three little spammers, didn't have a clue; One spewed to Usenet and then there were two.

Two little spammers, thought they'd have some fun; Antispammers caught one and then there was one.

One little spammer was firewalled and left all alone; He could only spam himself and then there were none.

Berkeley California

Unknown

David Barr, Ken Hornstein, Greg Nagy

Tune is ``Hotel California'' by the Eagles

Written by David Barr and Ken Hornstein and a little help from Greg Nagy. This is original, written in light of the AT&T-BSDI lawsuit, and the recent trend with Sun towards System V and away from Good Ol' BSD.

In a dark dim machine room Cool A/C in my hair Warm smell of silicon Rising up through the air Up ahead in the distance I saw a Solarian(tm) light My kernel grew heavy, and my disk grew slim I had to halt(8) for the night The backup spun in the tape drive I heard a terminal bell And I was thinking to myself This could be BSD or USL Then they started a lawsuit And they showed me the way There were salesmen down the corridor I thought I heard them say

Welcome to Berkeley California Such a lovely place Such a lovely place (backgrounded) Such a lovely trace(1) Plenty of jobs at Berkeley California Any time of year Any time of year (backgrounded) You can find one here You can find one here

Their code was definately twisted But they've got the stock market trends They've got a lot of pretty, pretty lawyers That they call friends How they dance in the courtroom See BSDI sweat Some sue to remember Some sue to forget So I called up Kernighan Please bring me ctime(3) He said We haven't had that tm\_year since 1969 And still those functions are calling from far away Wake up Jobs in the middle of the night Just to hear them say

Welcome to Berkeley California Such a lovely Place Such a lovely Place (backgrounded) Such a lovely trace(1) They're livin' it up suing Berkeley California What a nice surprise What a nice surprise (backgrounded) Bring your alibies

Windows NT a dreaming Pink OS on ice And they said We are all just prisoners here Of a marketing device And in the judges's chambers They gathered for the feast They diff(1)'d the source code listings But they can't kill -9 the beast Last thing I remember I was restore(8)'ing | more(1) I had to find the soft link back to the path I was before sleep(3) said the pagedaemon We are programmed to recv(2) You can swap out any time you like But you can never leave(1)

[ substitute whirring of disk and tape drives for guitar solo ]

Unix Man

Unknown

Tune: Nowhere Man

He's a real UNIX Man Sitting in his UNIX LAN Making all his UNIX plans For nobody.

Knows the blocksize from du(1) Cares not where /dev/null goes to Isn't he a bit like you And me?

UNIX Man, please listen(2) My lpd(8) is missin' UNIX Man The wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command.

He's as wise as he can be Uses lex and yacc and C UNIX Man, can you help me At all?

UNIX Man, don't worry Test with time(1), don't hurry UNIX Man The new kernel boots, just like you had planned.

He's a real UNIX Man Sitting in his UNIX LAN Making all his UNIX plans For nobody ... Making all his UNIX plans For nobody.

Eleanor Rigby

Unknown

Tune: ``Elinor Rigby'' by The Beatles

Eleanor Rigby Sits at the keyboard And waits for a line on the screen Lives in a dream Waits for a signal Finding some code That will make the machine do some more. What is it for?

All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Guru MacKenzie Typing the lines of a program that no one will run; Isn't it fun? Look at him working, Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile; It takes a while...

All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Eleanor Rigby Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work; Feels like a jerk. Guru MacKenzie Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code; Nothing will load.

All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

The Day SunOS Died

Unknown

Words: N.R. ``Norm'' Lunde, with apologies to Don McLean

Remember when those guys out West With their longish hair and paisley vests Were starting up, straight out of UCB?

They used those Motorola chips Which at the time were really hip And looked upon the world through VME.

Their first attempt ran like a pig But is was the start of something big; They called the next one the Sun-2 And though they only sold a few It soon gave birth unto the new Sun-3 which was their pride And now they're singing