Article: 23329 of soc.culture.nordic
From: email@example.com (Stig-Lennart Soerensen)
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1993 19:00:02
- A SHORT ESSAY ON THE FUTURE OF WHALING -
Greetings fellow readers of soc.culture.nordic. In this article
I'll try to explain some of the future (and history) of whaling and
its consequences for Norway as a nation.
MODERN WEAPONS IMPLEMENTED INTO WHALING
Today the most common used weapon to assasinate/terminate a whale
with, is the harpoon. Now this very cruel/unspohisticated weapon is
soon to be exchanged with modern weaponry. Norways defence industry in
co-operation with Pentagon contractors, has created several ingenious
new weapons for the massmurder/hunting.
So a future norwegian whaling ship will be some 1,000 feet long,
carry a crew of some 3,500 men and women, and will be equipped with
the latest in offensive and defensive weapons technology. This
includes sonar, mini-subs, radars, marines, infra/ultra/heat detectors,
- Gatling Gun mounted on the bow of the ship is connected to a
sophisticated HUD display at the brigde, enabling the skipper to
'fire away' when he gets a lock-on to the whale.
- Vulcan Assault Gun, a fierce and effective weapon used in the
Vietnam war by Phantoms and ground-troops, which fires some
3.000 rounds of 7.62 ammunation each minute, is able to
fell a whale within 60 seconds. And sink a Greenpeace ship as well
- Mark 18 S.O.T (Special Offensice Torpedo) with a 500 kg conventional
warhead, delievers a quick and effective blow to the whale,
unfortunately tearing the whale to little tiny, weenie shreeds
- TOW's (anti-tank rockets) is also able to kick some if the whale
hasnt hit the deck yet.
The Norwegian Ministry of Fishing, is hoping that by the year 2010,
Norway shall have a fleet of some 150 OWS (Offensive Whaling Ships).
- Whaling starts with sailing boats
- Someone invents the modern harpoon.
- Second World war breaks out, germans uses trained whales to lay
mines outside the coast of Norway and to carry german troops to
Norwegian soil. Later, whales sinks many norwegians ships.
- World War ends. Nazi-whales either harsly punished or executed.
Whaling starts up again. Nazi-whale fugitives flee to the
- Norway (in cooperation with USA) nuked a herd of whales. This
very effective weapon prove successfull in killing a large number
of animals. Whale-meat trade rise.
- Trade in whale-meat comes almost to a halt, after research shoves
that whales nuked are seriously contaminated by radiation. Sweden
suffer a large scandal as it shows that large number of swedish
school-children has been force-feed with whale-meat.
- Napalm used for the first and last time. Proves unsuccesfull.
- Atomic subs used in the hunting for whales.
- Sweden shocked by large drop-out figures from high-school.
National IQ reduced.
- Whale attack on small fishing-wessels increase. Since 1923,
45,000 norwegians has been killed by whales. Norwegian goverment
decide to increase hunting and other offensive measures against
- Bloodthirsty whales eat up a school-ship with 300 toddlers.
Massive man-hunt for the whales responsible. Ends with shoot-out
in the north-atlantic. Several norwegian destroyers sunk and the
USS Nimitz (leased for the occasion) suffers damage as she is
hit by twenty kamikaze whales. But we got the whales. Public
festivities for the heroes, yet the day is marred by the sorrow
of the parents.
- Norway joins the US in the SDI research. Combat satelites proves
effective in targetting, firing upon and destroying whales.
By the year 1991, Norway has 30 Combat Satelites in orbit. The
norwegian shuttle proves indispensiable.
- 3 whales killed in the assasination attempt at the Kings Ship.
King unharmed, but special forces troops suffers casaulties.
First POW. He is after gruelling three weeks released in the
exchange for Snyrft-ok-Torsk, the worst whale terrorist ever.
- Large Scale Sonar Detectors will be mounted on several locations
across the Atlantic Ocean, guarded by Marines.
LSSD mission is to listen in for any whale-attack
- Pulsar Laser Cannons will be obligatory weapons for every fishing
ships of Norway. Whales dont discriminate between innocent
fishers or whalers.
- North-sea will be emptied of water.
IMPLICATIONS FOR NORWAY AS A NATION.
As one can understand from the text above, whaling has just begun.
It will be a large part of norwegian state income in the next century
and the money earned will go to fifty/fifty to research/domestic
If the foreign pressure to stop the whaling increases, the norwegian
pressure to continue whaling will increase as well. Its doubtfull that
whaling will stop this or the next millenium. Because it brings in to
much money for that.
Stig-Lennart Sørensen - firstname.lastname@example.org